That morning, May 21st, was terrifying. I was pregnant and as soon as I woke up I started to have sever abdominal pain. It was like no other pain I had ever felt before, it was excruciating and exhausting. I was immediately rushed to the closest hospital. The ride to the hospital was the longest 45 minutes of my life, I was laying in the back seat sweating profusely as the AC was blasting and I was curled up in fetal position because this was the kind of pain when you can't even talk, walk, or breathe without making it worse....As soon as we pulled in the parking lot all pain went away, like it had never happened, I felt completely fine. It was the strangest and most confusing experience... So we (my husband,mom. and I) sat in the car and talked about it, My mom told me that when she was younger she had had a gas pain like that and when you’re pregnant that could be the cause of a lot of abdominal pain. I was so confused that this intense pain suddenly stopped on a dime and I wasn’t bleeding or anything, so I decided that we would go back to the beach house and just see how the rest of the day went, and if I had bleeding or the pain came back in any form then we would admit me into the ER.
After we came back to the house we went out onto the beach where the rest of my family was and just tried to relax and rest for the remainder of the day. After a few hours of laying out on the beach I wanted to take a walk, so me, my sister, mom, and my niece went, and as we were walking along the ocean I spotted a baby sea turtle on the sand. We stopped and played with the little one for a while; my niece was so excited and wanted to keep him, it was so cute seeing her just amazed with this little turtle. We finally got her to say goodbye and started to make our way back, as soon as we got to our stuff I wanted to go back inside so I could rest. It was almost dinner time anyway so we all went back to the beach house. We got inside and were figuring out who would take showers first and who would start cooking. I didn’t make it to my shower because when it was my turn, well that is when I noticed I was bleeding.
I got dressed as fast as I could worrying that Kyle wouldn’t be back in time to take me to the ER. He had just gone for a run with our dog and had left his phone with me, but as soon as I came back into the room where we were staying, Kyle walked through the door and I immediately told him to "Im bleeding, we have to go to the hospital right now!" Kyle drove as fast as he could as we all felt what the out come would be... It was such a long emotional night in the hospital and I’ll never forget every prayer Kyle prayed over me that night.. I was so numb I couldn't even talk, I remember I couldn't even call my Daddy that night to tell him what was going on, Kyle did... It was a really hard evening on everyone.
I was put on bed rest for the next couple of days so I couldn't even go home. But even if I wanted to, I couldn’t because the exhaustion of the pain and emotion was too intense for me to even try to make a 4 hour car ride. But I was so blessed to have family with me those days encouraging me and praying over me, I will never forget that. After the Doctor gave me the okay to travel, we packed up everything and drove straight to my Dads, because I just needed my Daddy. We really didn’t even talk that night, we just sat there in the front room of their home, but just sitting there in silence surrounded by more family really helped me relax and calm down.
The next day we had dinner at their house and my Daddy told me how crazy it was to have seen a sea turtle, for the first time ever, on the day I miscarried. He told me that from now on every time he sees a baby sea turtle he would think of our little one. It was like God gave us this gift, this reminder of our first baby because He knew we would need it..
Six months ago today changed my life forever, but now when I think of our little one, I never want the day I miscarried to be the main thought of our first child. I want to always remember what a huge honor it is to have been the vessel God used to bring a new life into His kingdom. I want to remember that their is a baby waiting for his/her mommy & daddy to meet them. I want to remember the happiness and the blessing that this is.
Yes, I will always remember the impact of May 21, 2013., and how much I miss this baby I have never met, But more than that, I want the 21st to always allow me to remember that I have a child waiting for me in heaven, watching over and praying over me and my family every day.
I Love you Little one. You are my best memory.
